i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
