remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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