i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
