Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize