Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
