I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize