in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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