I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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