I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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