Sry I called you an 8
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
