do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the day after is always just damage control
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
