How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
