Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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