Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
