don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize