what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
