Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
