is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
