i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize