i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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