Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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