Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
