You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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