i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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