mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
