She said her name was "party"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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