i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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