Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
