I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
