my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
