I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
