the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
