I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
