i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
