We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
