I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize