Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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