I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
