I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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