I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
