And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize