worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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