John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
