I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
