R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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