Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Randomize
