Where did you get a picture of my penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
