the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
