I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my fart just growled at me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
