Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
