I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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