24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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