Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
