Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
