I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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