ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
