i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
