It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
