New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
