You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
