Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
