Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just pynch a tree in the face
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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