She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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